JUST DON’T TOUCH ME
Motherhood’s Journey although beautiful and enlightening can be so difficult to acclimate to. We have to get used to a new set of feelings, good or bad with hardly anyone to help us navigate through the roughest waters. Let’s be honest though no one’s experience is exactly the same. How can someone help or advise you on something that is unique to everyone? Luckily with the Internet at our fingertips, so is the world and other people who could be in a similar a situation as you (my main motivation for this website).
Recently I had been plagued with the guilt of just not wanting to be touched, by ANYONE. Outside of necessary breastfeeding contact I would find myself at times just being repulsed by the touch of my child and partner. With terrible guilt looming over me for a while, I decided to start doing my own research. I mean, I love my family to death. To feel this way couldn’t be normal or could it?
Being “Touched Out” is actually a real thing though, and it happens to a lot of us breastfeeding moms. That conflicting feeling of undeniable love for your child or partner while still being repulsed by their touch... Let’s be honest ladies as mothers we are the epicenter of the family, the fucking nexus between partner and child(ren). It can be trying at times when you feel like all of you is essentially being harvested and stripped away.
So what do we do about it? Well the first part is knowing you feel a certain way. Simply speaking up and informing your partner of how you really feel can help. Letting shit chew you up inside makes it worse. Be honest that you need space, be honest that you don’t want to have sex or any physical contact. Your partner deserves to know the truth just as you deserve your time.
Even if you aren’t breastfeeding and after one stops breastfeeding these feelings will still arise. Remember to always take time for yourself and acknowledging your feelings makes a world of a difference. Below are a few facts about being touched out that you and your partner should know.
DON'T BE ASHAMED, iT IS NORMAL TO BE TAPPED OUT. AFTER ALL, HOW ARE YOU EXPECTED TO GIVE FROM AN EMPTY CUP? take time if you can to replenish your soul.
there's no love lost
don't think this automatically means you no longer love your parter. JUST BE HONEST WITH THEM.
this is not a judgement of character
you are neither a bad person, partner or mother. sometimes you'll only be able to give to your baby, sometimes you will want to only give or receive from your partner and that is quite alright. you might not want to be around either of them, that's when you need your time.
mind and body matters equally
your state of mind can totally affect how you want to interact with your family, at times you may just need to seek help. start with a conversation with a friend or your partner first.
nothing lasts forever
this too shall pass honey, remember that on your toughest day. with motherhood you're eternally stuck between understanding that things will change, your child won't even want a kiss from you and the fact that it is still a long fucking time till then. just remember you will miss it one day and not to sweat your feelings, you're human after all.